Jokes for Nerds

I love jokes that not everybody will get.  This applies even if I myself don’t get them.  Yeah, okay, it can be seen as exclusionary or elitist, and I suppose that COULD be the motivation.  But I rather prefer to think that these obscure jests are ways to MAKE connections, rather than avoid them.  I have, on more than one occasion, asked someone to “explain the joke” to me, and I’ve never been treated with other than warmth and courtesy when that’s happened.

This is a nerd joke, referring to the “red shift” phenomenon observed by astrophysicists and which is caused by stars traveling away from each other at considerable speed.  I’m nowhere nearly good enough at math to make it into the “science nerd” community, but I do get a lot of the jokes.

I also like the bumper sticker which says “I may or may not brake for Schrodinger’s cat.”

Hope all’s well out there, friends, and God bless.

Bad Advice for Everyone

Disclaimer: Do NOT follow any of the advice in this blog post.  Bad idea.  Bad, bad idea.  If you should choose to follow any of the advice in this blog post, on your own head be it.

I owe the idea for this to my very funny friend, all around good guy Brian Robinson, who I interviewed here.  He posted on Facebook the challenge to ask him anything, and he would respond with bad advice.  I asked him whether it would be better to sell my three semi-decent vehicles and put the money into one nice car, continue patching them up with duct tape and superglue, or just buy a good bicycle and lots of bus passes?  He responded that I should sell all of them and invest in avocados.

So, to keep the chain going, some bad advice given in response to questions my Facebook friends have supplied:

Q: What’s the best way to stay connected with friends you haven’t seen in many years?

A: Start a blog about them and pay a lot for advertising. Tell all kinds of scandalous untruths about them from way back when. They’ll look you up and you’ll both have a good laugh about it and happily renew your friendship.

Q: What’s the best way to change a tire on a car, on a dirt road with no jack, a hundred miles from anywhere?

A: If the flat is on the right side, get up as much speed as possible on the three remaining wheels and abruptly turn sharply to the right. With a little luck the car will flip over and you can then access the flat with no problem. Make sure to get the spare out of the trunk BEFORE trying this.

Q: What’s the best way to get my husband to quit snoring?

A: Stuff a sock in his mouth.

Q: What’s the best way to find a new job?

A: Get a big piece of poster board and write, in large letters, “Value Adder.” Decorate it with lots of happy stickers and bright colors. Find a busy downtown area where you can encounter plenty of business people and walk around with your sign while loudly singing “I’m A Little Teapot.” When you catch someone’s eye, buttonhole them and tell them how much value you can add to their organization. You’ll be employed by lunchtime. (Be sure to dress professionally.)

Q: What is the best way to bathe a cat?

A: The important thing is to catch the cat by surprise. Wait until the feline is sleeping somewhere. Fill the bathtub halfway with warm, soapy water, nonchalantly whistling like you’re going to take a bath yourself. Then, shrieking like an attacking Highland Scot fighting for his homeland, grab the cat and sprint like mad for the bathroom. Halfway in the door, release the cat, allowing its momentum to carry it all the way into the tub. Continuing to bellow (or loudly singing Def Leppard classic rock if that more strikes your fancy), grab the scrubby loofah you’ve secreted by the side of the tub and plunge your arm again and again into the mass of bubbles until you have a firm grip on pretty much any substantial part of the cat’s anatomy. Proceed to apply the loofah vigorously to the cat.

After all this, with any luck the cat will be hyperventilating, half-drowned, and near-comatose with panic, so you can now rinse it off and gently dry it at your leisure. Have fun!

 

Didn’t Get the Joke?

I’m sympathetic to people who don’t have a sense of humor.  But I find it very difficult dealing with them.

Now, when I say that, let me hasten to add that I don’t find everything funny that other people do, and I appreciate that there are those who aren’t going to share MY sense of humor, either.  Not everything is for everybody, and not everybody is going to “get” every gag.  The expression “I get it; I just don’t think it’s funny” is perfectly valid.  Most of us can tell when something is said jokingly, whether it appeals to us or not.

But I’ve run across a few individuals, here and there, otherwise intelligent, who don’t seem to understand the concept of humor at all.  Relating to them is tough for those, like me, who are constant jokers and clowns.  I can be serious when the occasion calls for it, but it’s not my default state.  Interacting with someone who’s nothing BUT serious?  It’s like we’re speaking different languages.

I interacted with one lady recently on social media who took a tongue-in-cheek thing I’d posted and treated it absolutely at face value, and was rather offended and delivered a small lecture.  It was a gentle and affectionate jest,  nothing mean-spirited.  Dozens of people “got it,” with hers being the only negative reaction, so I don’t think it was the content itself that was the trouble.  It’s possible I’d touched on some sore spot, but in that case I think she would have said something along the lines of “I realize you’re only joking, but…..”   I think I’d just found one of those poor souls who, for whatever reason, don’t recognize humor.

I didn’t respond to her comment, and don’t plan to unless she persists.  I feel bad for her, but we don’t speak the same language.

Hope all’s well out there, friends, and God bless.

Insert Title Here

This is a test of the emergency blog update system.

This is only a test.  This isn’t a real update.

If this were actually a blog post, then there would be some content.

There isn’t.  This is just a test.

Instead of content, there’s just this drivel.  And an admittedly pretty cute silhouette of a hedgehog.

Ideally, of course, there’d be some humorous or at least thought-provoking content here, or even a return to the “Advice for Everyone” portion of this blog, if I ever manage to get back on the stick and get the interviews flowing again.  I’ll tell you, you try do something creative and life just gets in the way, doesn’t it…..

But, I digress.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled internet, already in progress.

Take care and God bless.