Oscar–Advice for the Cats’ Morning

  1. 5:30 AM, begin meowing loudly at bedroom door, reminding the human that it is breakfast time.  Continue meowing until human stumbles out of bedroom and toward kitchen.
  2. Briskly walk figure-eight pattern repeatedly through human’s legs as he is attempting to get one’s breakfast.
  3. Devour breakfast.
  4. Lick oneself clean.
  5. Meow at back door until human opens it.
  6. Too blasted cold.  Go briefly outside and execute graceful U-turn, so that head is back inside the house before tail has had a chance to properly leave.
  7. Complain to human about lousy weather.
  8. Grudgingly go downstairs and use litter box.
  9. Return to kitchen.  Human is doing something at the counter.  Stalk random dust molecule.  Jump sideways in startlement when toaster pops.  Complain to human.
  10. Go to bedroom of chief humans.  Climb up desk, sadly having to shove off papers that female human has inconsiderately left in the way.
  11. Find warm spot behind computer monitor.
  12. Sleep.

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